How To Choose Right Person When Getting Marriage :

It is not difficult to choose the right person when getting married. Should personalities be compatible or expectations? 

prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan explains:

It is not as important as it is thought that the personality of the couples is compatible in marriage. Studies on this subject reveal that the common goals and objectives of couples are more important than personality harmony. “Which personalities marry more harmoniously with people of which personality?” In a study in which the answer to the question was sought, the marriages of spouses with compatible personalities were followed for many years. As a result, it has been seen that the divorce rate between these couples is the same as the divorce rate in the society. This shows us that it is more important for the spouses to live their own personality and to be able to move towards common goals with a similar course of action, rather than the harmony of personalities in marriage. For this reason, someone who is thinking of getting married asks himself, "What do I expect from marriage and what should I do?" he should ask. Even while shopping, people think and measure.

How to Choose the Right Wife?

Is a career enough to be a good wife?

Today, especially young people start marriage with rosy dreams and unrealistic expectations. In the decision to marry, they look at their wallet, career or physical appearance rather than the character of the person in front of them, what they expect from marriage, their philosophy of life, etc. However, being rich, handsome or occupying high positions does not make that person a good person, nor does it make a good wife. Marriages whose foundations are laid for reasons such as unrealistic monetary values ​​and physical beauty are doomed to fail to develop. However, marriages that are built on realistic expectations will collect themselves even if there are problems in the future because the foundation is solid.

Marriage is a long journey

Expectations also determine the meaning attributed to marriage. The high level of expectation from marriage is one of the most important reasons for the problems experienced between spouses. Because high expectations are not met in marriage, causing disappointment in the person. Therefore, marriage should be considered as going on a long journey, and it should be calculated that there can be good and bad times. The important thing is to know how marriage can be lived at the point of sharing and whether there are common values. However, it is not possible to have everything under the control of the person in the decision of marriage and to find one hundred percent harmony. If people think that their expectations and goals are compatible with each other 70-80% and they have enough information about getting to know each other, they can decide to get married.

Things to Consider When Choosing a Spouse:

Looking at the events for two

It is important that the couples who will get married are the ones who will be mothers and fathers. Because having a child in marriage can be either a partner or a party's expectation. For this reason, the man and woman asked each other, "Can she be a good model for my child?" he should argue. The woman wants the person she will marry to be someone who has character, who will be a father and who will face life alone. The man, on the other hand, expects that he does not have a wife who can take care of his child and home.

Shared goals and expectations should not cause one spouse to dominate the other. Both parties should feel free and live their personalities. While spouses spend energy for common expectations and goals, they should be able to look at events and relationships as two people.

Compromise on differences (is it possible?)

In the traditional family structure, it was not uncommon for individuals from different cultures to marry each other. The increase in communication opportunities in recent years has paved the way for people from different cultures to meet in the same environment. Especially with the spread of the internet, we started to witness the marriages of people with different and even opposite cultural values.

It is ideal for marriage that the spouses are equal on the main issues. The ability of men and women to look at events, objects and people with the same eye; Having similar cultural values, even if not the same, is necessary for a healthy relationship. Because a person's thought patterns and mental conditioning are shaped by the influence of the culture he grew up in when he was a child, and these are reflected in his behavior. Culture determines whether a person sits or stands, even speaks, eats or drinks. While eating, chatting etc. Of course, it will be difficult for someone who does not know how to behave in society and someone who knows these things to live together. Cultural equivalence is important in this respect.

How To Choose Right Person When Getting Marriage 

Differences in personality and behavior patterns

Marrying people in different cultures is, in a way, a challenge; because cultural differences also reduce the sharing areas of spouses. Personality and behaviour patterns given by different cultures bring different attitudes and perceptions against events, objects and relationships. For example, when one of the spouses in different cultures laughs, the other does not even react, or a situation that bothers one may please the other. Similarly, it is difficult for someone with a materialistic view of life and a celestial eye to find a common space to chat.

Be open to change

The point to be considered in the marriages of people from different cultures is not how different cultures are from each other, but whether the parties are open to change. If one party says 'I am like this, I will not change', the other party will be in a difficult situation. There is a rule that we call the 'golden middle point' with marriage. Cultural differences do not affect marriage if both parties take a step by compromising their habits and meet at the middle point. If people from different cultures are open to change, perfect marriages can result.

If the male's education level is low

Apart from the environment in which a person grows up and his family, one of the important factors that determine the cultural status of the person is education. A child who starts to go to school not only acquires knowledge, but also learns about life and socializes. Diploma is a label; However, in the education process, one learns about human relations, social contact, listening, speaking, how to behave in society, etc. learns. Therefore, if there is a difference in education between spouses, it can cause problems by making these cultural differences clear. In such marriages, we witness the problems caused by the low education level of more men. A man with a lower education level than a woman always feels on the defensive and constantly criticizes his wife for feeling inadequate. The man always acts with the thought of "You have been educated, but I am more mature than you" and wants to dominate his wife to prove this. When this happens, naturally, the relationship breaks down. For example, when a woman misses a word about her education level during an argument, the man is affected extremely badly. Spouses should try not to make the level of education a battleground between them. It is necessary to think, "If there are ten equivalences in marriage, all but one fits." There is no perfect marriage. In particular, women should not make men feel their educational status psychologically, or even imply it. Spouses should try not to make the level of education a battleground between them. It is necessary to think, "If there are ten equivalences in marriage, all but one fits." There is no perfect marriage. In particular, women should not make men feel their educational status psychologically, or even imply it. Spouses should try not to make the level of education a battleground between them. It is necessary to think, "If there are ten equivalences in marriage, all but one fits." There is no perfect marriage. In particular, women should not make men feel their educational status psychologically, or even imply it.

Before marriage, couples should talk openly about the difference in education. Spouses are contracted not to bring the educational situation to the fore at the time of an argument or in a tension. Because a person's psychological maturity is not determined by his diploma.