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9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage

 9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage 

We know that running a marriage is not easy. But obviously it's not that hard. When you combine a pinch of care, a pinch of understanding, a pinch of compassion and a lot of love, you get a happy marriage that goes well. However, knowing this is one thing, being able to apply it is another. 


9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage
9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage 

Does marriage really kill love? What changes with marriage? 

I don't think marriage changes love. Love is something else. However, with the signature signed after marriage, the relationship becomes institutionalized. While we all make some requests freely, on the other hand, we try to fulfill the requirements of the institution. Then we lose our own individual values. Now it is a common life, but that life can be a life that neither person wants.


Do we decide to get married too quickly? 

It's possible. But first of all, the point of view of marriage and why we want to get married are important. When reasons such as families, pressure, and the desire to go to a separate house arise, the work can accelerate and people get married without knowing each other. If marriage is truly viewed with the intention of 'going a lifetime together', it doesn't matter if you make this decision early or late. If you get married for different reasons, the danger begins.


Is there such a thing as changing after marriage? Or are we too blind to see this change from the start?

There is a change, but a change like this; When the person starts a relationship, he knows the other person a little bit. But when the institution of marriage comes into play, individuals try to change each other for some reason. “But you're married now, you're a wife now, you have responsibilities to go there, don't do that, these responsibilities…” When these come into play, of course, the person starts to compromise on himself. He changes when he starts to give up on himself. He is uncomfortable and the person in front of him is no longer that person.


What is the share of a man and a woman for the marriage to work out?

The most important thing is to create environments that will minimally restrict individual freedoms and not to put institutional pressure on each other. Some rules such as 'We are married, my mother expects us to visit every Sunday, we have to go' or 'You are married, what are you doing there alone', which involve social pressures, need to be expressed as little as possible. Of course, sharing is also very important for married couples. Food, work, childcare… Today, we are talking about a working career woman. There is no such thing as women doing housework and men working in marriages anymore. However, the expectation is somewhat in this direction. Actually, as far as I have observed, men are not as conservative as they used to be. They help their spouses a lot, but there is a problem; Women want everything to be perfect even though they work. May the food be wonderful, the child be well taken care of, Let his wife also help… But the living conditions are really difficult. It is necessary to be able to say "Let it not be complete". There is also this; If women do not see certain jobs as their own duties from the beginning, and if the other spouse knows that they are equally responsible, they can act accordingly. But women should know this more than men. Women make concessions, they should not.

There is also the family factor. Today, there are still women who get divorced because of their mother-in-law, and men who have problems with their spouses because they are fond of their mothers… In fact, women are also very fond of their mothers, and they call their mothers every minute and leave the children with their mothers. But men don't mind that much. The reason why women have problems; the introduction of the male-female role. The man doesn't say anything to this with the thought that 'the more his mother helps my wife, the more comfortable I will be'. The woman, on the other hand, feels pressure when the man's mother intervenes. However, sometimes there can be a really over-dependent relationship between mother and son.

This is a pathological issue in Turkey; deep bond between mother and son. In this case, there is usually an addiction that develops from childhood. The phenomenon develops in the same way in women who are dependent on their mothers and in men who are dependent on their mothers. In overly dependent relationships, there is often a problem between the parents who raised them. Mothers are clinging to life with these children, and because of this clinging, they cannot accept that their children grow up and separate from them. Because they can't accept it, getting married causes them a great trauma or poses a big problem. Likewise, the other side of that addiction applies to the child. In other words, he thinks that without him, his mother cannot survive. For this reason, he either chooses a spouse who can handle it, or when he cannot choose such a spouse, their relationship deteriorates and usually separation occurs.


What is the secret to a healthy marriage?

It is necessary to pay attention to; The opposite of me is a separate individual and does not have to attract me. A person should always say this to himself and the other person should look at him from that point of view. It is necessary to be able to think, 'I am not his mother, I am not his father. At the same time love, compassion and understanding; key words. Of course, we can talk about our daily stresses, we can discuss it when appropriate, but we do not have the right to hurt the other person. One of the biggest problems in marriages is that we can wear out the other person with the comfort that the other person will never leave, will never disappear from our lives. You shouldn't do this. 


9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage
9 Key Tips For A Healthy And Successful Marriage 

So what should I do? 

We will know that he needs love, compassion and understanding just as we need it. If we are bored, we can do some exercise and go home; Or we can show understanding to each other by saying, “I am very distressed today, let me sleep a little, get up and talk later”. If everything is routine in a marriage, we cannot expect it to last. In other words, dinner should be prepared carefully, waking up in the morning should be careful… Yes, life is very difficult, but making marriages depends on being careful. In the past, there was such an aspect of women not working; They would get up in the morning, iron, dress their wives, prepare breakfast in the morning… All of this is actually a care. Men also struggled to take their wives to dinner on the weekend. When we look now, everyone is tired; one in front of that television and the other in front of the other television,

In some cases, it is possible to see that the marriage will go badly before marriage. It is clear that that woman will not be very happy if she marries that man… But they get married and then divorce. 


Before getting married, what signals should we pay attention to, and what kind of path should we follow?

Marriage is such a thing that there can be many psychological reasons for wanting to get married. Now you want to lead an orderly life, you want to get rid of living with your family, but you are not in a position to dare or you want children… If you believe that you can agree with the person in front of you on many issues and be happy, if you know him and yourself well, you are less likely to have problems. One of the most important points here is to definitely know yourself. 'Can I be with him?' You must know the answer to the question. If you are thinking of uniting and making a life at this point, things usually work out. 


It is said that the first year is the hardest time in marriage. Why is the first year so important? 

The first months are really hard. Problems often arise from the difficulties of living in the same house. Even when you live with your sibling, you may experience problems even though you know him very well. Minor problems will definitely happen within a year until we get to know each other, but they should be resolved and the relationship should be put on track. But there are some problems that the marriage must end immediately; such as violence.


Sex should be taken care of too!

One of the most important factors affecting the relationship is sexuality. If the sexual relationship goes bad, it shows that there is a deficiency in that relationship. A healthy sexual relationship should be 2-3 times a week. There are many things that can disrupt this situation due to work stress, illness, fatigue. However, in general, it is the care, love and compassion for each other that determines sexual pleasure. As they feed, so does sexual intercourse. So you don't need to feed it separately.

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